What Have I Done?
by Ravyn Starkweather
Summary: Squall tries to find a new excitement after everything in his life settles down. An impulsive decision might be something to regret later... Review, please.
1. Chapter 1

"What Have I Done?"

CHAPTER ONE

The monotony of the day was starting to get to him. He wiped the sweat off his face and headed toward the exit of the Training Center. It almost seemed as though the monsters were stepping out of his way. Nothing even dared attack him.

Training wasn't even as fun as it used to be. The essence of life seemed to be sucked out of everything these days. Maybe it was the fact that Garden was safe again. Maybe it was the fact that they were in no immediate danger and that everything was going directly to plan again. Something was just killing the excitement that he used to feel. It was time to enter uncharted land, but he just had to find some.

"Hey Squall, wait up!" He heard a voice call behind him. He turned around to see Zell running toward him. He stopped short and extended his hand. Squall looked at it, then turned his head slightly, looking over to nothing in particular. Used to the gesture, Zell just let his hand fall back down to his side.

"I didn't know you were in here!" The blonde said, excited.

"Well, what else is there to do?" Squall asked, his voice heavy with boredom.

"Good point, man!" Zell agreed happily. "The past couple of weeks, I've just been feeling…I dunno…Bored. It's getting to me 'cause we just…We had so excitement before and now it's like there's absolutely nothing to do but train. And that's not even fun anymore since the thrill is gone. I know I can beat everything in here, even the T-Rexaurs. So, it's just not what it used to be."

"I know…" Squall said, listened to the blonde's rant and nodding his head. He pushed his silky hair out of his eyes and looked down at the ground.

"Well, I'm off. I've got a date to Selphie and I should probably go shower." Zell laughed lightheartedly. Nothing seemed to get him down since Selphie finally accepted the invitation to be his girlfriend.

"Yea, you probably should…" Squall nodded and his friend ran off toward the exit.

Squall let out a heavy sigh. He felt numb, like nothing could touch him. He wanted to feel what he used to feel. He started off toward the exit. He felt a weight on his shoulders that he couldn't quite identify.

He walked slowly to his dorm room and began removing his clothes when the phone rang. He eyed it quietly and finally picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Hey baby!" A happy voice sounded on the other end of the phone, "What are you doing?"

"Oh, hey, Rinoa. I just got back from the Training Center and I'm about to take a shower…" He said.

"Ooh…Mind if I join you?" She giggled and Squall smiled.

"No, but really," she continued, "I was wondering if you wanted to do something tonight…"

"Oh, yea, sure. You wanna go into town and get something to eat?" He proposed.

"Yea, sounds great. Meet you down there in an hour?"

"Sure thing."

"Okay, I love you, Squally…"

"I love you too." He placed the phone back onto the cradle and finished removing his clothes. He got into the shower and turned up the hot water. He felt the water hit him and wash away his sweat. As he did so, his mind flashed to Rinoa and he thought of her beautiful smile.

Suddenly, he was excited to see her. He hadn't felt excited about anything in a long time and the feeling shocked him. He hurried up in the shower and jumped out, clean and ready to get dressed.

As he pulled on his clothes, he couldn't stop thinking about her, her lighthearted laughter, and he upbeat personality. She was almost his complete opposite and maybe that was why they completed each other so wonderfully.

After getting dressed, he walked into town. He passed Selphie and Zell at the gates, kissing lightly and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears. They seemed perfect for each other, and he stopped to think if anyone thought that when they saw him and Rinoa together.

Finally he approached the restaurant and he saw his beloved standing in front. She was early, as usual. He wanted to run, but he kept up with his brisk walking pace and walk up to her. She smiled at him and stood on her tiptoes to give him a kiss on the lips.

"Shall we?" She asked, sliding her hand into his.

"Of course…" They walked inside and got their usual table. They sat across from each other and Rinoa began to chatter and babble about her day. Squall kept his eyes focused on her, but his mind began to wander.

She was the project he had been looking for since things started calming down. He had done a lot in his life, but he had never stopped to make room for love before she walked into his life. Now, it seemed like that was the logical thing to do. She was the second woman he had ever loved, but he never took the time to tell the first one how he felt. She was so shy that even if she felt the same way that he had, there was no way that she would ever tell. Rinoa, on the other hand, had made the first move ever since the first time he laid eyes on her and she dragged him onto the dance floor at the SeeD ball.

He decided to take the time that he never took before. He wanted to make room for the love in his life as he had never done before. It seemed so logical. This was what he had been waiting for. There was nothing left to do but…

"Marry me." He heard himself said in the midst of his thoughts.

Rinoa paused, mid-sentence. Her mouth fell open. Her eyes widened and a smirk spread across Squall's face.

"What did you say?" She asked, breathlessly.

"Marry me, Rinoa." He said with the smirk still on his face.

"Yes, Squally, yes, of course!" She squealed, causing everyone in the restaurant to turn around and stare at them. For once, Squall didn't care.

Rinoa stood, as did Squall, and she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. A couple of females in the place collectively said "Aww!" at the display.

They kissed for what seemed to be sometime and left the restaurant without even ordering their meals.

They walked hand-in-hand through Balamb, sharing a loving silence, both dizzy with excitement. Finally, they headed back to Garden and he dropped her off at her dorm room. After the somewhat extended kiss goodnight, he walked in silence back to his room.

He stripped down to his boxers and got into bed. As he slid between the sheets, he clicked off his bedside lamp and lay on his back, pondering over the night's events.

He had a strange feeling in his stomach. It was a thin line between anxiety and nausea and he couldn't tell which one it was.

As Squall lay in his bed, he began to think of what life would be like married to Rinoa. Rinoa Leonhart. That had a ring to it, right?

Rinoa Leonhart…

He felt his left ring finger in the darkness of his room and thought of the cool feel of wedding ring that would once be upon it. Squall sighed loudly, killing the stony silence of the room.

Asking Rinoa to marry him was the first impulsive thing that he had done in a long time. And now he was remembering why he always calculated the consequences of his actions long before he ever did anything. This feeling he felt was something he wanted away from him.

The old weight on his shoulders was replaced by a heavier one on his chest. He sighed again and found it hard to catch his breath this time.

Finally, he pondered aloud to the darkness.

"What have I done?"

A/N: This is my first post on here. It's the first part of a series and I need some reviews to help me out here. So, whatever your opinion, let me know. Thanks.

--Ravyn Starkweather


	2. His Worst Mistake

His Worst Mistake

Squall awoke with the smothering feeling still on his chest. He rose from his bed, got ready and walked out of the dorm.

For the first time since he met her, he felt an apprehension about seeing Rinoa.

His fiancée.

The thought made him shudder.

His walk down to the cafeteria took forever, intentionally. Squall walked slower than usual in hopes of postponing the inevitable.

Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind. It had all been a crazy dream. He had gone to bed right after showering and that was it. He dreamt of the phone call. He dreamt of the date. He dreamt of the stupid, impulsive decision. That had to be it. The real Squall Leonhart wouldn't even dream of doing with the fake one had done last night. He hurried to the cafeteria in hopes of proving his "it was all a dream" theory.

The group was sitting at their usual table. All heads turned to Squall as he entered the room. Selphie jumped out of her seat and ran over to him.

"Oh Squall!" She screeched and jumped up, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.

"What…?" Squall asked when she finally let him go

"Rinny told me everything! I'm gonna be the Maid of Honor!" She screamed.

Squall closed his eyes. The ordeal was indeed reality. He was stuck, smack-dab in the middle of a bad situation and he couldn't think of a way out of it that didn't involve losing Rinoa forever. Despite it all, the fear of the commitment had a grip on him tighter than anything he had ever felt before.

Rinoa ran up and kissed him briskly on the lips.

"I've talked to Cid and he said we can have the wedding in the ballroom. Isn't that romantic? That's the place we met, ya know? That's gotta be the coolest thing ever, huh? But, Squall, I've been thinking about it and I've asked Selphie to be my Maid of Honor. I'm gonna need a lot of help during this whole thing with my dress and with designing the ballroom and ya know how Selphie was on the Committee before to decorate and stuff? Well, I think it'll be great. Plus she has _great_ taste and she'll be able to help me find the perfect dress. It'll be perfect. Everything will be perfect…"

Rinoa continued to prattle on and Squall closed his eyes briefly, trying to tune out Rinoa's plans for the wedding he just wished he could do away with. He began walking away to the table.

"All right, honey! I'll see you later. Selphie and I are gonna go dress shopping!" With that, his giggling fiancée left with her petite best friend.

Squall sat down quietly at the table. Quistis sat across from him with her arms crossed. She smiled lightly at him.

"I'm gonna go get something to eat…" Zell said, scampering off to the lunch line. He stopped abruptly, turned around and patted Squall on the back quickly.

"Congrats, man." He said before rushing to the line in hopes of salvaging his beloved hot dogs.

"I'm very happy for you." The blonde in front of Squall said when they were finally alone.

"Th-thank you…" He said, quietly, looking down at the table.

"How long had you been planning on asking her?" She asked.

"Honestly?" Squall pretended to ponder, "About 5 seconds…"

"Are you serious!" Quistis asked, her mouth falling open.

The brunette nodded, his hair falling in his face.

"I never figured you for an impulsive person…" She said, still taken aback.

"Yea, neither did I." Squall said shortly before walking away.

"Wait, Squall." She said lightly as he began to leave. He turned around to see her standing up at the other end of the table. "I really need to talk to you."

"So, talk." He said, heading back over to her.

"Not here…" She said quietly, her blonde locks covering her beautiful blue eyes. "Not here and not now…Would it be okay if you met me at the Secret Area tonight?"

"The Secret Area?" He was confused.

"Yea…you remember the one inside the Training Center, right?" She asked.

"Yea, I know what you're talking about, but why?"

"I just really, really need to talk to you, Squall. Please."

"Okay, okay. Sure. I'll meet you there at curfew, okay?"

"Thank you." She nodded and he left the cafeteria, his thoughts in shambles. Even more than when he came in.

He didn't hear from Rinoa for the rest of the night, so he calmed down slightly. The longer he was away from her, the more the nausea faded. It pained him, because he still loved her, but…

The phone rang, interrupting his complex thoughts. He picked it up, reluctantly, thinking it would be Rinoa.

"Hello?" He asked.

"It's Quistis, Squall." A light voice on the other end said.

"I haven't forgotten, Quistis. I'll be there in about 20 minutes." He said.

"Okay, good. I'll see you then."

"Okay."

He hung up the phone and looked over at the shower. It had been a long day and he felt a compulsion to shower before he went to see Quistis.

He did so and washed the stress of the day away, leaving himself fresh. He got himself dressed quickly, only putting on a black tank top and his pants. He rushed out of the dorm, not wanting to be late. He didn't want her to think he was standing her up because she was so worried that he was going to forget their date.

Date?

Where did that come from? They were only meeting to talk.

He sprinted to the Training Center and made his way to the Secret Area. It was empty except for the blonde standing with her back to the entrance, looking at the sky.

"Quistis…" He said lightly and she turned around. Her hair was down completely and she looked like a fallen angel. Her eyes were sad.

He approached her slowly, taken aback by her look of vulnerability.

"What's wrong?" He asked her.

She just shook her head. Finally she looked up at his eyes and shrugged, attempting to smile.

"I guess it's just been a hard day…" She said, returning her gaze to the dirty ground of the hideout.

"I'll drink to that…" Squall agreed, his eyes still fixed on the woman in front of him.

"What do you mean?" She asked quickly, looking up into his steel blue eyes. "You should be happy! You're finally gonna marry Rinoa. And to hear her tell it, it's not too far off either. She's making all these arrangements. You're gonna be married by the end of the month. And I'll still be here. Coming to the Secret Area every time I can't sleep, remembering old times…Alone…"

He was shocked by her admission of sorrow. Surprising even himself, he opened his arms and pulled her inside. He held her tightly in an embrace. The moment just fell upon them. It was neither awkward nor obligated. It just felt right.

"Quistis…I'm not exactly looking forward to the wedding. I've been too scared to tell anyone that and I know I can't tell Rinoa. I'm scared that if I tell anyone, they'll tell her. Her heart would be broken and I'd lose her forever and that's the last thing I want…I think. I mean, I think I still love her, but I don't even know anymore. This whole thing just confuses me. I was looking for something new, but what I got was something I didn't want. I thought it was the logical choice because…well, because I didn't want love to get away this time. The first time was the worst mistake I ever made…" The words burst from him before he even knew what he was saying.

He released Quistis from the embrace and looked into her eyes. She was dumbstruck.

"What do you mean the first time?" She asked.

He looked down at her, his hands still on her shoulders. He opened his mouth to tell her the deep secret that had been inside of him for so long.

Then a shadow appeared in the doorway.

"Hey guys!" Zell said, running in. "I was just out here training. I thought I heard your voice! What're ya doin!"

"We were talking, Zell…" Quistis said softly as Squall took his hands off of her shoulders.

"Making wedding plans…" Squall said to back up Quistis's story.

"The wedding's gonna be awesome, isn't it? I always knew you two would get married and now I know for sure. I wanna be something in it, Squall! I mean, I know this isn't how it's usually done, but is there any way I can be the best man? Selphie is the Maid of Honor and all and I thought it would be really cool because I don't think I've ever told you this, but you're the best male friend I've ever had in my life. Even back at the orphanage, you always saved me whenever Seifer was picking on me. I don't think I've ever really thanked you for that, so…thank you…" The blonde fighter went on another one of his famous rants.

Squall nodded.

"It would be great for you to be my Best Man, Zell." He said, flatly.

"Thanks, man!" Zell jumped in the air, pumping his fists.

An awkward moment fell over the three friends.

"Well, I'm running back up to the dorms. Wanna come with?" He asked.

"Actually," Squall started, "We're right in the middle of these plans, Zell…We'll see you in the morning, okay?"

"No," Quistis contradicted, "It's okay…I think we should call it a night, anyway."

Squall looked down at her and noticed that she had tears in her eyes.

She started towards the door. Zell exited and Quistis turned around.

"Aren't you coming, Squall?" She asked.

"No," He shook his head, "I've got a lot to think about. I think I'm gonna stay here for awhile…"

Quistis nodded and left, following Zell back to the dorms. Squall looked up at the starry sky and closed his eyes. He drew in a long breath and let it out slowly. His head was so confused and his heart was even worse. What was with Quistis dying to meet him here and then ditching him the first opportunity that came along? What was with that whole outburst of being alone? What was with him spilling out his feelings like he had no way of holding them in?

There were so many questions that he wished he didn't have the answer to. In his heart, though, he knew exactly what the problem was.

So Squall stayed in the Training Center, looking up at the sky and thinking about the only two women he ever loved.


	3. Preparations

Preparations

Squall awoke in his dorm room. It had been a long, confusing night. After sitting alone with his thoughts at the Training Center for awhile, he had returned to his room and fell upon his bed, exhausted. This wasn't what he wanted for himself. This wasn't what he needed. And it was all his fault.

The rose from the bed and brushed his teeth. He then returned to the bed and sat in his boxers, still thinking. He wasn't sure what part he was so confused about, but something about the situation wouldn't let his mind quit pondering.

There was a knock at the door. Squall stood and opened it with no regard for his lack of clothing. Rinoa's smile greeted him as he slowly pulled the door open. The sight of her almost made his heart stop and the weight returned again, almost knocking the wind out of him.

"Are you still asleep!" She asked, inviting herself into the room and plopping down on the unmade bed.

"No," Squall said, "I was up."

"What's wrong?" She asked, her face looking up at him, concerned.

"Nothing…" He said, closing the door and joining her on the bed.

"I know your face, honey, and I can tell something's wrong, so what is it?"

"I just woke up, that's all…" He lied, masking his shock of how well she truly knew him. She looked over at her as she pulled a folder out of her bag. Her hair fell in her face as she leaned down to read what was inside of it.

"So here's the deal, Squally…" She began, "Cid cleared the ballroom for next weekend so we can have the wedding even sooner than I thought, okay? Aside from that, Selphie and I talked to Ma Dincht and I'm actually gonna wear her old wedding dress after she alters it. I think it's appropriate because she's been kinda like a mom to all of us, hasn't she? So…she's gonna have that altered well before the wedding. What's left…? Oh, Zell is taking you to get a tux today. He told us that you made him the Best Man. You have no clue how much that means to him. Selphie is just ecstatic, too…Also, we still need to go ring shopping and Selphie and I are still working hard on the design for the ballroom."

Squall nodded, a sense of dizziness coming over him.

"So when am I supposed to meet Zell?" He asked through the nausea.

"About half an hour at the front gate." She glanced at her watch to verify the time. "Oh! I'm supposed to meet Selphie at the caf to go over the designs. I gotta go."

The raven-haired woman jumped to her feet and rushed to the door. Squall followed her, slowly. She turned around and kissed him goodbye. Her upturned face looked pouty.

"It's like we never get to see each other anymore…" She whined, "But that's okay because as soon as we get these plans done, we'll be able to spend the rest of our lives together!" She giggled, kissed him again, and left, hurrying down the hall.

Squall closed his door, still stuck dumb by the last words that his fiancée said. He sat down on his bed again, postponing getting dressed to go meet Zell. His mind flashed to the display of vulnerability Quistis had shown him last night and his heart sank. If Zell hadn't shown up, he may have been able to get whatever Quistis was keeping inside out of her. His only hope was to ask her to meet him again.

Finally, Squall got up, got dressed, and met Zell at the front gate.

"Hey, Squall!" The blonde said happily, "Rin asked me to meet you here and take you into town

to get us the tuxes for the wedding!"

"I know, let's go." Squall replied simply and the two got in Zell's car and went to short distance into Balamb.

After a little more than half an hour of unsuccessfully trying on suits, Squall sighed, standing next to his friend, looking at jackets.

"It feels like I'm shopping for my funeral…" He said under his breath. Zell looked up at him, his eyes wide. The brunette thought he might have said the wrong thing. Maybe Zell would tell Rinoa and what would happen after that? Suddenly, Zell burst out laughing. It was very loud and the owner of the store kept looking over at them, annoyed.

Finally, Zell quieted down after Squall had joined in on the laughter. It was truly and carefree moment, which was exactly what Squall had needed.

"I've got an idea, Zell." He said, trying to keep his voice down in order to not annoy the owner anymore than they already had. "Why don't we just wear our SeeD uniforms to the wedding?"

Zell's eyes widened again, "That's a _great_ idea!" He agreed, "We are having the wedding at Garden anyway. Let's get outta here, then!" He said loudly and the owner looked up again, wearing a nasty scowl.

Squall surpressed the laughter building inside him and followed his loud friend out of the store. As they walked down the road to get to the car, Zell asked Squall to hold on a moment and sprinted off. Squall saw him go into Ma Dincht's house.

Squall found the car and sat inside. He knew exactly why Zell didn't invite him to come inside. The groom wasn't supposed to see the wedding dress before the wedding. HE sighed into the silence of the car.

Eventually, Zell came out and ran up to the car. He jumped in the driver's seat and smiled at Squall.

"The dress is altered. Ma stayed up all night working on it. She sure works fast, huh?"

"Yea…" He agreed, his spirits fallen once again.

Zell started the car and the friends headed towards Garden. During the drive, Squall remained silent. He was aware at Zell glancing over at him every so often, but he didn't really care. He was once again thinking of the wedding and how he could possibly get out of it without ruining the relationship. There didn't seem to be a way to even postpone the dreaded event without breaking Rinoa's heart. She was far too excited far too quickly. She was on a high and there was nowhere to go but down. He could see that as clear as anything and he didn't want to be the one that made her fall. He felt badly enough for the feelings he was keeping inside and the feelings he had expressed to Quistis last night. He knew in his heart that he would never again have the nerve to confess that to anyone else ever again, but somehow telling Quistis was okay.

Finally, they reached Garden and Squall got out of the car and began walking off. Zell yelled a goodbye after him and he responded by raising a hand into the air in a lazy wave.

Squall walked up to the dorms on a mission. He approached the door he was looking for a knocked firmly three times. After what seemed like eternity, the door opened and Quistis stood in the doorway. Her eyes widened and she looked shocked to see him.

"Hey…" Squall said quietly. "I need to talk to you about last night."

"_You_ needing to talk to someone!" She laughed bitterly. "That's new…"

Squall raised an eyebrow in suspicion. What was wrong with her?

"I ran into Rinoa in the caf…She's so happy, Squall. She's so happy…" She went inside the room, leaving the door open. Squall followed her in, closing the door behind her.

"I want to be happy…" She said quietly, her back still to him.

"Look, Quistis…I've realized that all this time, you were right. It does help to talk about your issues sometimes, and I want you to know that I'm here if you need to talk about them. I kinda unloaded on you last night and I didn't really mean to. So I'm here whenever you need me." He offered.

"I need you now…" Quistis said. She turned around and they locked eyes.

"To listen." She finished quickly, her cheeks turning red. "I need you to listen."

"I'm here." Squall said.

"I've been asked to take part in something that I couldn't be against more. I just can't tell you what it is…I'm completely against it. There's just no way I can get out of it. I don't stand a chance, so I think I'm just gonna smile and nod and make my way through it…" She babbled.

"What are you talking about?"

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Quistis looked through the peephole and waved Squall away. He walked into the restroom and closed the door behind him.

He heard the door open and he heard Rinoa squealing, but he couldn't make out anything she was saying. After a minute or so, he heard the dorm door close and the bathroom door opened to reveal Quistis holding a dress.

"I'm to be a bridesmaid in your wedding…" She said dismally.


	4. A Confession

A Confession

Squall was back in his dorm, laying in bed, a little while before curfew was put in effect. Quistis was devastated over the prospect of being a bridesmaid in his wedding. He didn't know if this was an insult to Rinoa, a sign of contempt to him, or just an altogether hatred of seeing them together. Then her words ran through his mind.

_I've been asked to take part in something I couldn't be against more. I just can't tell you what it is…I'm completely against it. There's just no way I can get out of it. I don't stand a chance, so I think I'm just gonna smile and nod and make my way through it…_

_I don't stand a chance._

_I don't stand a chance. _

_I don't stand a chance. _

The words resonated within his mind and he couldn't help it. She didn't stand a chance? Against what? Against the loneliness she was secretly battling? Or against Rinoa? Had she felt the same way as him but wasn't brave enough to say it? Was that why she had called him to the Secret Area that night? Was that what she was going to tell him before Zell interrupted?

The pieces were falling into place, but it still left him with a problem…Every time he looked into Quistis's eyes, he found who he once was. He got lost in the endless sea of blue and it was almost as if he had forgotten Rinoa. Rinoa was the love of his life…or at least he thought she was. She was the only woman he had ever taken this big of a risk for, but…did that really mean anything? Was he really just trying to overcompensate for the feelings he had left unsaid for Quistis? Did those feelings ever really die like he thought they did?

"What the Hell is wrong with me?" He uttered aloud into the darkness.

It was almost as if he couldn't let himself be happy. His mid always had to make something to complicate the matter, but maybe he wasn't reading too much into this one. He was afraid to be optimistic in thinking the beautiful blonde felt the same way as him. If she didn't and he was misunderstanding the situation, it would be just as bad as rejection, the thing he feared the most.

Overhead, the curfew announcement rang and he rose to his feet. After the announcement, he was supposed to meet Quistis at the Secret Area again, but he felt a strange apprehension in his heart.

What if something happened there tonight?

Did confessing feelings count on cheating on his fiancée?

Would he really mind cheating on his fiancée?

Did he even love her as much as he did a week ago?

"What the Hell is wrong with me?" He asked again and received the same silent answer from the dark room.

Standing, he walked over to the door, put his hand on the handle and stayed there, frozen, trying to gather his thoughts. Finally, he snapped out of it.

"Whatever happens, happens." He said to himself, in a vain attempt at a pep-talk, "You can't really live your life until you stop thinking and live…"

He paused, trying to remember where he heard the words before and shook off the feeling as an excuse to postpone the meeting with the blonde. This had to stop. In one swift move, he flung the door open, stepped out, and swung it shut behind him.

His legs carried him quickly to the Training Center as his heart began to beat quickly, anticipating her face.

As he hurried, he imagined taking her face in his hands and kissing those soft lips of hers. He imagined taking her up to his bed.

Suddenly, he felt guilty for the latter thought and stopped walking. If anyone had been around to see, he would have looked like a madman, stopping and walking, mentally battling with himself. Finally, the braver of Squall's sides won, and he entered the Training Center.

After making his way to the Secret Area, he saw the blonde once again waiting on him. She turned as if she sensed him coming and their eyes met from across the small room.

"I'm sorry about earlier…" She said, almost embarrassed.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, stepping toward her, his heart hammering in his chest.

"I shouldn't have been so bitter. I'm happy about the wedding, I really am. I'm honored to be taking part in it, Squall…The past is done and I need to get over it. It's just that—"

"The past is done?" Squall interrupted her. She looked even more embarrassed as her cheeks reddened and she turned her back to him.

"Never mind it, Squall. I don't think there's anything left for me to say." Her voice was heavy with a sadness he couldn't quite identify.

"Quistis, I need to know—" Squall started, but she interrupted him.

"I could never be the assertive." She said with her back still to him, "I could never be that brave. I could never be that confident. She's beautiful, Squall, and she's lovely. And you deserve her. You're a wonderful man. She just had the guts to say so…"

Her voice was thick and he thought she might be crying. He turned her around and embraced her again, must like he did last time.

She wept quietly in the comfort of his arms, her tears blotting on his shirt. Her rubbed her back slowly and softly, attempting to comfort her, but all he could think about was her body pressed up against his.

Finally she pulled away and looked up into her eyes. Tears were still silently flowing from her precious eyes and she looked defeated.

"You knew…" She whispered.

"No." He said firmly, "I knew nothing."

"Squall…" She started. She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head on his chest again. When she spoke, it came to him, faded and muffled.

"When you were transferred to my class, I knew there was something about you...The more I got to know you, the more mysterious you were and the more I…I found myself attracted to you. Can you imagine that? Attracted to a student…I felt terrible. That's part of the reason I decided to just give it up. I'd rather fight alongside you than train you, Squall. You were my motivation for a lot of things back then. I fell in love with you…I just could never get the words to leave my mouth. Every time I tried, it just…wouldn't happen. And then…Rinoa walked into our lives. She's so beautiful, so assertive. Even though she had been with Seifer before, I knew exactly what was going to happen. It could sense it, ya know? Then it happened, and I knew…I didn't stand a chance."

There was that phrase again. Finally, she looked up at him and tried to smile. He placed a hand on her chin and titled her head up.

He had never wanted anyone more than he wanted her in this moment. He wanted to tell her how he had felt. He wanted to tell her that the only reason he was even with Rinoa was that he thought he had no chance with her. He wanted to tell her that even now, when he was alone, his thoughts drifted to Quistis, not the woman he was about to marry. He wanted to tell her how hard it was not to kiss her at this moment.

She pulled away from him before he could do what he had dreamed of doing for so long.

"I can't keep doing this, Squall." She said, sadly. "I just can't."

She left the Secret Area swiftly. Part of him wanted to chase after her, but he just let her go. If she was anything like him, she needed to be alone.

He pondered. What was to become of Rinoa? He hadn't talked to her in a while, and honestly, it didn't matter to him for the time being. Again, he looked up into the sky, trying to spell out his thoughts.

He had a decision to make.

And he had to make it before next weekend…

er Her HEr S


	5. Where Is He?

Where Is He?

Squall looked at himself in the full length mirror. He shook his head, his silky hair flying all over the place. The time had passed too quickly, and here he was, an hour before the wedding.

Still without a definite decision, he felt like an indecisive fool. He could just imagine Rinoa in her room, getting ready, putting on her specially altered dress, twirling around and asking Selphie's opinion on her every move. He sighed heavily. He then imagined Quistis solemnly putting on the pink Bridesmaid gown that Rinoa had picked out for her.

His heart went out to her.

The guts that she had were unrivaled. Still participating in the wedding of the man you loved as anything other than the bride must have been unbearable. But she was going through it and he loved her for it.

He loved her for it?

He loved her?

Squall spent every day since Quistis's confession in his room, rarely emerging to go to the cafeteria and get food. Once or twice he passed the blonde. Her cheeks turned crimson and she looked away. He could tell she was embarrassed of what she had told him.

He was beginning to think that she might not even show up to the wedding. Everyone chalked Squall's absences up to his "pre-wedding jitters". But it was so much more than that.

He looked at himself, dressed up in his SeeD uniform, looking like a man who was ready to enter into a lifetime commitment.

It was only a costume. He wasn't anymore ready to go to the altar than he was to pierce his gunblade through his temple.

Actually, he would rather feel the steel of the gunblade penetrate his brain than utter the words "I do."

He sighed again, ruining the silence of the room.

What to do? What to do?

His watch beeped. It was time to meet Zell at the entrance of the ballroom.

Squall sat on his bed and buried his head in his hands, forcing back the tears he felt coming. He had a decision to make and he had to make it now.

Zell Dincht was all dressed up in his SeeD uniform waiting for his friend at the entrance of the ballroom. He hopped up and down, unable to stand still. The excitement was getting to him. He loved social events, plus the enthusiasm Selphie had for the wedding spilled over onto him. This was more than he could bear. Squall was twenty minutes late. And the brunette was always so punctual.

Why was acting so weird nowadays anyway? The last time he had seen him really happy was at the tuxedo shop when they were joking around. Since they got back in the car and Zell gave him the update of the wedding dress, he seemed to deflate right before his eyes.

Man, he was really nervous about the wedding…

It shouldn't have really been shocking. Zell, as well as everyone else, knew how Squall was. He wasn't very good with his feelings, no matter how small or big they were. He couldn't even imagine Squall asking Rinoa to marry him. This whole situation seemed very uncharacteristic of the gunblade wielder. Well, Zell thought the same thing when Rinoa and Squall first started dating.

Maybe Squall was just finally coming out of his shell. That's all. First, he dated her, now he's marrying her. That's the natural progression of things, isn't it? And maybe his inability to express his emotions before Rinoa came along was causing the jitters.

That had to be it.

That still didn't explain why he was so late.

Selphie walked up to him, her heels clicking on the ground.

She looked beautiful.

For once, her hair wasn't flicked at the ends, but gently curled. She wore a lavender dress that held onto her petite body snuggly. There were flowers in her hair. To Zell, she looked like an angel.

"You look beautiful." He said to her. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him.

"Thank you, sweetie." She said, smiling, "Where's Squall? Wasn't he supposed to meet you here?"

"Yea…I guess he's just running a little late…"

"That doesn't sound like him…"

"Yea…I know…but…I'm sure everything will be fine." Zell reassured his girlfriend.

"It better be." Selphie said, her emerald eyes turning somber, "Rinoa is back there. She's all ready and she looks absolutely gorgeous. I hope he doesn't do something stupid. He _has_ been acting weird lately…"

"I know…"

"And not 'I'm Squall, I'm gonna keep all my feelings to myself and shut out all the people that love me, weird'. I mean, genuinely weird." She said seriously.

"I know." Zell agreed again.

Just then, Quistis ran up to them.

"I'm not late, am I?" She asked, her cheeks red.

"Nope, but the groom is." Zell said, shaking his head.

"What?" Quistis's pale blue eyes grew wide.

"Yea, we don't know where he is." Selphie said. "I'm gonna go to Rinoa's room." She left quickly.

"That's so weird…" Zell said.

"Yea…" Quistis said, breathlessly, her eyes still wide.

"What's wrong?" He asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Nothing…" She said, absentmindedly. Then she plastered a smile on her face and said it again, more believable.

"I don't think we should say anything to Rinoa. I think we should just continue as planned because whatever he's doing, it's not more important than marrying Rinoa." Zell said, still glancing down the hall, waiting for the brunette to come running up, apologizing for his tardiness.

"Yes, Zell. I agree. He'll show up. I'm sure he will…" She turned her gaze to the hallway, also waiting for him to come up.

Just then, Cid came up behind them.

"Hey guys." He said with a smile, "You better take your places. We're about to begin."

"We have to wait for Squall." Zell said.

"Oh, I'm sure he's in the back, ready to come out." Cid said ushering Quistis and Zell inside the ballroom.

Zell walked up the red velvet carpet.

Irvine and Seifer waited as groomsmen, both at the request of Rinoa. He took Selphie's arm with his right and Quistis's with his left and walked both of them up the walkway. They all took their places. The three men stood in the SeeD uniforms, looking perfect. Selphie stood with Quistis on the right of the altar, looking absolutely breathtaking.

Rinoa came down the aisle, looking ridiculously stunning. Her face was made up perfectly and covered by a thin, lace veil. Her dress was magnificent. It cupped her breasts, showing enough cleavage, but not too much. It tapered in on her thin waist and flared out, leaving a train dragging behind her. The pale beauty was dressed all in white, her dark hair pinned up in the back and framing her face in the front.

An odd hush fell over the room as the bride's white heels made their way up the velvet carpet.

Her caramel eyes looked down at her feet, as if she were shy. And if everyone there didn't know her, they would actually believe the portrayal.

Finally, she took her place next to Selphie and looked up, expecting to see her beloved, but instead, saw the Best Man.

"Where's Squall?" She asked, her voice just above a whisper.

"He's running a bit late." Zell said.

"Perhaps we should postpone?" Quistis suggested.

Rinoa's eyes filled with tears. She wasn't used to not having her way and this certainly wasn't what she wanted.

"I guess we have to…" She said, quietly.

"Okay, everyone…" Zell announced. "The Groom is running just a bit late. We're gonna postpone for just a little bit to wait for him."

Murmurs of speculation spread throughout the ballroom.

Rinoa unclasped her hands and let the bouquet fall to her side. She began walking the reverse way that she came, back into the room that she got dressed in. Selphie hurried after her.

"This isn't right, is it?" Zell asked, his eyes on his girlfriend running after the Bride. "Is it, Quistis?" He asked again.

There was no answer.

"Quistis?" He asked.

He turned around.

Quistis was gone.


	6. The Wedding

The Wedding

Quistis walked down the halls of Garden quickly, knowing exactly where she was going. Her pink heels clicked as she hurried down the hall. She rushed as her hair slowly came undone from her flowers and clips she had put it up in.

She turned at the Training Center. She maneuvered through the brush and plants, avoided all battles, until she found her way to the Secret Area. She was following a hunch.

Her eyes widened as she saw him, standing with his back to the door and leaning on the railing, looking up at the sky.

"Squall!" His name burst from her lips.

He turned around quickly.

"I knew you'd be the only one who knew I was here…" He said quietly with his head looking down at the ground.

"You can't blow off your own wedding!" She scolded like the teacher she used to be.

"Then how am I here?" He said.

"Squall…they're all waiting for you. They're all telling Rinoa that you're just running late. They're all expecting you to walk in the ballroom at any minute."

"When have I ever lived up to what people expect of me?" Squall said bitterly, turning his back on her once again.

"Squall…" She said his name quietly and walked up behind him. She leaned her head on his strong back and closed her eyes.

"You have to go in there. Rinoa will be heartbroken…"

Squall's head lowered. It was never his intention to break Rinoa's heart. He turned around as Quistis straightened up and looked up into his cold, steel blue eyes.

"Quistis…" He said. "There's something I need to tell you."

"There's something I need to tell you, too." She said.

"Me first."

"No, Squall, me first. Look, I was way out of line with what I told you the other night. You're in love and she loves you and she's wonderful. You two are meant for each other. I never should have told you what I did. I know that will only complicate things. You're probably trying to make it to where things aren't awkward between us, but they won't be. I can accept that and I have accepted it, so there's no need to go to these lengths to try to spare my feelings. All I'm saying is that—"

"Quistis!" Squall interrupted. "You were the first woman I ever loved!" His words resonated between the two of them and the beautiful blonde fell silent, her mouth open slightly.

"What?" She almost mouthed the word, only a phantom of her voice made it through her lips.

"I settled for Rinoa because I never thought I could get you, Quistis. I had loved you so deeply and for so long that the thought of us together was nothing more than a fantasy. I didn't think that you could ever feel the same way about me that I felt about you. There was just no way. So Rinoa came along and she was so outgoing that I didn't need to make the first move. I'm so shy. I could never tell you how I felt. I know I could've never told Rinoa either, but she was so outgoing that she made things happen between us. Do you get what I'm saying? And I've been so scared about the wedding and then you tell me that you loved me too and my mind is just…I don't even know. I don't know what to do…" The words fell from his lips and the dumbstruck expression on the woman's face showed him that she had no clue how he had felt about her.

"Squall…I still love you." She said simply.

That's when he took her face in his hands.

That's when he kissed her.

He pushed his tongue past her soft lips and they shared a beautiful kiss. The first kiss that they had both been secretly dreaming of.

They stood there for what seemed like ever, embracing each other and feeling the love between them.

After the long kiss broke, he held her in his arms. She leaned his head on his chest and closed her eyes, feeling the tears roll down her cheeks.

"Squall…" She said after awhile, "We can't do this…"

"I know."

"You have to go marry her."

"I know." He agreed again.

"She loves you."

"I know."

She backed up slightly and looked up at him.

"You would be happier with her…" She said.

"No, I—"

"Let me finish." She interrupted, placing a slender finger on his lips, "Go to her. She loves you. I know I do too, but she deserves you. She worked to help you out of your shell, Squall. She needs you. Her heart will break and she will be nothing but a shell of what she once was if you do this to her."

He nodded, understanding what she meant and realizing she was right.

He leaned down and they shared another long, beautiful kiss. He had never kissed lips as soft as hers. He would miss them badly.

Finally, the two made their way back through the Training Center and ran to the ballroom. They went up to the altar, both out of breath.

"I found him in the Training Center!" Quistis said.

"What were you doing!" Zell asked, unable to hide how happy he was to see him.

"Oh, I was just walking around to think and I got cornered by a couple T-Rexaurs…" he lied expertly.

"Man!" Zell said, pumping his fists into the air, "Rinoa's gonna be _psyched!_"

"Get in your place, Squall…" Irvine said, pulling him next to the altar. Zell stood between him and the Groom.

Word traveled to the back of the ballroom, to Rinoa and Selphie. Selphie came out first, walking down the aisle slowly, looking lovely.

She was shortly followed by the radiant bride, smiling up at the man she was about to marry.

The preacher standing between them said his vast lines of vows and turned to Rinoa.

"Rinoa, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold in sickness and in health?"

"I do." Rinoa said thickly, her eyes filling with tears.

He asked the same question to Squall.

Squall glanced behind his bride, looked past the petite brunette, and gazed into Quistis's eyes. They were also filling with tears.

"I do…" He said, looking back at his love.

Tears spilled from her eyes.

The preacher pronounced them man and wife in the eyes of Hyne and gave Squall permission to kiss his bride.

He kissed the second beautiful woman he had kissed that day.

A/N: I'm not sure if I'm going to end the whole series here or if I should continue. Please review and let me know. Anonymous reviews are welcome as well. Any critism anyone has will be very helpful. Thank you.

--Ravyn Starkweather


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